Well a week later here's how my life has been...Basically I'm glad I'm staying here even longer then normal that way by the time I leave I'll hate it soo very much I will never ever come back. First problem: being the only christian in a family of agnostics, some of which are being very antagonizing. Second: my sister and her bf living in my old room, of which they cleaned out and threw away most of my stuff (I wonder what they did with the C4 primers and other misc explosives?). Third: being away from sara.

Christmas was strange...other then not having the house decorated at all, my sister decided to throw a fit that morning (because she didn't want to wash her dinner dishes from the night before) she stormed out when our grandmother arrived to exchange presents and didn't show up again till 8pm. What a wonderful family I have now... am I the only normal one? So later that day me and my aunt went over to her parents house and did christmas there (much more normal, tree and everything) and it was funny enough but her mother said that since things were so weird out-here she wouldn't be surprised that the next time anybody here hears about me it'll be for a wedding. Ironically I think that may actually be true. Of course I still need to talk to somebody about that :)

Actually I talked for the first time for somebody I hadn't talked to in a long while (mostly it felt like I was being ignored) but she showed up in the chat room I was in and decided she needed to know all about my life now, I'm fairly glad that I've already had experiance with a girl that acted similarly so I won't get distracted...actually this has helped me because there were some doubts in my mind (see previous post) but now those are completely gone, now what remains I guess is either a realization or else pity for an individual that has no idea of what they've done, or did in the past. I just don't take that well to being played with when it comes to serious matters.

Its interesting to note that all the things that I've had to deal with of late seems to come from one particular period in time, summer of 2001. I wonder if I was in a very specific mindset at the time or maybe it was a nice test placed before me, where the groundwork would be laid and then the fruitation or ulitmate test of those would then creap up later in life nearly 2 years later. And now I don't particularly care, I've got before me the chance for what I've always dreamed of and have prayed for and I am dedicated to not be distracted from them. I am not going to screw this up.